Liam Gilliverīut gay Sri Lankans are not afforded the same level of luxury. We were cushioned by white privilege on our travels. We were desperate to not be seen, so they turned a blind eye. Sri Lanka was desperate for tourists, and we were here. It was almost like we had unknowingly entered a trade-off. We were never confronted or explicitly questioned about our sexuality, and never physically threatened or endangered. Of course, our time in Sri Lanka was cushioned by the safety net of white privilege, and the economic symbol we represented as westerners. Had I made a fuss out of nothing or were the microaggressions I experienced real? White privilege cushioned our visit to Sri Lanka Happy, but subdued.Īside from a few stares, and one ignorant comment about sin from a tour guide (he snubbed homosexuality in the same sentence as touting peace), we had left Sri Lanka safe and sound. "If you ever feel unsafe - we can leave," he reminded me more than once.īut I continued, and three weeks later I felt strangely conflicted when arriving at the airport. There were many late-night whispers with my partner, as we sat on separate beds across the room from each other, when all I wanted to do was feel some kind of warmth. It was supposed to be fun, but we were struggling to relax. I could hardly complain - this was all my own doing. I had locked myself back into the closet and swallowed the key. Constantly checking yourself and reminding each other of the three simple rules eventually took a toll on my mental health. Policing your natural instincts comes with consequences. Or was I just gaslighting myself into an unjustified state of paranoia? I felt like we were being watched constantly, observed with suspicion and caution. Were we being watched, or was I just paranoid?Īt times, being in Sri Lanka overwhelmed me into an anxiety-riddled wreck. It wasn't rare for us to book a hotel then find we were its only occupiers. We were rooting for Sri Lanka to recover from this despite all of my reservations against even coming in the first place.īut the lack of tourism also meant it was hard to stay invisible.
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